Response: Batman vs Superman

Ah, the age old argument that never gets old. Batman or Superman.

I believe there are two types of people in this world: Batman people and Superman people. I am the former.

Let’s start with the most glaring issue regarding Superman’s ability to fight crime.

Lois Lane.

She’s annoying and she’s self-centered and when it comes to fighting crime, she only slows Superman down. In fact, he puts her before the people he’s supposed to protect.

Batman doesn’t have that stupid woman slowing his game down.

Let’s say a woman is pushed from a tall skyscraper by some Libyan terrorists with AK-47s. That woman is careening to her death when all of the sudden, Superman flies in a saves her. Shew! That was close, she thinks to herself.

But…wait, what’s that? Lois Lane is screaming for Superman. She needs help!!

What’s wrong? Oh….her garbage disposal is clogged.

Superman: “Gotta go. See ya.”
Woman: “Aaaahhhhhhheeeeeeeaaaaa.”

Superman drops the woman from 5,000 feet and races to his girlfriend’s house. Why? Because he’s whipped. He’s weak. Man of Steel — unless you’re a little brunette journalist named Lois. Then he’s man of whipped.

Batman, on the other hand, is dead inside. He witnessed the brutal murders of his parents and has since gone through a psychological gauntlet of guilt, despair, desperation and finally, a searing hatred for all things crime.

He’s a multi-millionaire and instead of bringing 5 supermodels home with him every night, he dresses up like a bat and fights criminals. I mean, that tells you something about the man’s psyche. He’s what we in the industry call “hell bent.” And he’s hell bent on revenge, which everyone knows is never satisfied.

What’s Superman’s motivation? He’s an alien and wants to protect a race of people to which he has no relation? Come on. There absolutely has to be a strong motivating factor, which is ultimately the real issue. Why is this person doing this? Because if the person is only doing it for superficial reasons, then the job will very quickly wear on them. And they’ll quit.

Which brings us to Kryptonite. S-Man is a decent superhero unless you have a green rock — in which case he’s impotent.

“But Drew, Kryptonite is an exotic mineral only found on the planet Zyborgiconastan?”

That’s fine. Bruce Wayne can probably afford to send Bruce Willis and his oil drilling team up there to mine a few thousand pounds of it and bring it back. Then it’s game over for Superman.

And finally, Superman can fly and that’s cool, I guess. Whatever.

Batman has the Batmobile. And in my book, that’s just as cool.

Drew

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